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Me, I’m ramblin’—*mea culpa*, guilty as charged—but she’s a riot. Bit of a minx, flirts like she’s Caesar crossin’ the Rubicon. Once caught her on cam, singin’ hymns—HYMNS!—to troll some pious git. Laughed me arse off! “They knew and they let it happen,” like in *Spotlight*—she knows the game, plays it better.

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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