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I reckon it’s like Amélie’s “little pleasures” – y’know, “dipping her hand into sacks of grain”? Except it’s some geezer’s mitts slidin’ over yer back, easin’ the stress from all them KPIs and team-buildin’ bollocks. Had me first go last week – bloody hell, I was gobsmacked! Thought it’d be all awkward, like a bad appraisal meetin’, but nah – pure bliss, mate. Got me thinkin’, “This is what peak performance feels like!” Nearly cried, I did – not cos I’m soft, but cos it was that good. Then I got raging – why ain’t this on the company wellness plan? Stingy gits upstairs, sittin’ on their arses, missin’ out!

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So I start blastin’. The noise is insane! I’m in my zone, but then—bam! The hose gets tangled. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I’m yankin’ it, and it sprays everywhere. I’m soaked! And the client? She’s freakin’ out. “My flowers!” she screams. I’m like, “Chill, lady! They’re fine!”

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