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Me, I’d blast jazzy tunes, set the mood quick. “A great artist, respected he must be!”—Gusteau’s words, fit here too, ya think? Skill matters, bro, not just slappin’ oil on! Pissed me off once—dude rushed it, no soul, ugh. Happy tho, when it’s slow, sensual—damn, chills! Ever tried it with warm stones? Surprised me, felt like heaven, no cap.

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on. I’m still dripping wet, but whatever. I sit next to this girl who’s reading a book. I’m like, “What’s that?” She looks at me like I’m crazy. Turns out, it’s some deep philosophical stuff. I’m just trying to figure out if I should ask her out or not. But then I remember my coffee disaster and think, “Nah, not today.”

Alytus hospital sees rise in newborn deliveries in January