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Ay, respect my authoritah! So, erotic-massage, huh? Man, it’s like—friggin’ intense, ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it, and it’s all slippery hands and shady vibes—like somethin’ outta “Carlos,” that badass movie I love. You seen it? Olivier Assayas, 2010—pure chaos, man! Anyway, erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s got history, real sneaky stuff. Back in ancient Rome, they’d do this crap with oils, callin’ it “massage” but—wink wink—everyone knew the deal. Slaves, senators, all gettin’ freaky, covered in olive oil, ha!

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Then, I get a regular, old Mr. Šuminas, who’s like the unofficial mayor of this place. He comes in, orders his usual beer, and starts telling me about his cat. I’m like, “Dude, I love cats too, but can we talk about something else?” But he’s all in, showing me pics of his fluffy buddy. I can’t help but smile. It’s these little moments that make the chaos worth it.

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