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So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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By the time the lunch rush hits, I’m in full-on survival mode. People are ordering like they’re at a drive-thru. “One cappuccino, two flat whites, and a mocha!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a race!” But I’m hustling, pouring, steaming, and trying not to lose my mind.

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