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So, findin’ one? Check the shady X posts, darhling – typos galore, “hmu 4 fun” vibes. Links to sketchy sites, pics that scream “I’m trouble!” Look for the ones who own it – “I’m not leaving” energy, like Maria in the movie, fierce as hell. Avoid the posers, tho – they’ll waste ur time, fake giggles, ugh, annoys me to death! Once, this dude bragged he found “the one” – paid $500, got catfished by a dude in a wig! Hilarious, but I’d strangle him for stupidity.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll by the river. The Daugava is looking all pretty, and I’m feeling good. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and it goes straight into the river. I’m like, “RIP, ball.” But the kid just shrugs and runs off. Kids these days, man.