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I tried it once—some back-alley joint, smelled like lavender and regret. This chick, right, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s the endgame, bitch?” Hands slidin’ low, tension buildin’, it’s hot—fuckin’ electric. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis”—soldiers got oiled up, rubbed down, ready to kill or fuck, whatever came first. History’s wild, yeah? Makes me smirk—modern prudes clutchin’ pearls over somethin’ old as dirt.

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Then, I head to the Ventas Rumba, the coolest waterfall in Latvia. Seriously, it’s like nature’s own water park. I’m just chillin’, takin’ in the view, when I see this kid tryin’ to catch fish with his bare hands. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna end up with a wet sock!” But he’s all in, splashing around like a maniac. I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Craft bakery business proves to be a hit in Kuldīga / Article