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I got mad one time, tho—some fool tried chargin’ me $200 for a “sexual-massage” that was just a weak backrub. Bruh, I was heated! I’m like, “Where’s the passion, fam? Where’s the soul?” Shoulda been floatin’ like Jen Yu leapin’ off cliffs, but nah, I felt robbed. Then this chick in Miami—oh man, she flipped the script! Hands so smooth, I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Had me smilin’ like a kid with candy, swear to God. Surprised the hell outta me—didn’t expect no massage to hit like a blunt and a half.

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Later, I decide to chill at the park near the Causeni Cultural Center. It’s peaceful, you know? I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. The trees, the people, the vibe. But then, this guy starts playing the accordion. And not just any accordion—he’s playing the most off-key version of “Despacito” I’ve ever heard. I’m cringing so hard, but I can’t help but laugh. Only in Causeni, man!

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