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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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After work, I decide to take a stroll down Strada Stefan Cel Mare. The sun’s setting, and the sky is all pink and orange. It’s beautiful, right? But then, I see this guy trying to parallel park. He’s all over the place, like he’s never seen a car before. I’m standing there, laughing, thinking, “Bro, it’s not rocket science!” Finally, he nails it, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe he’s a parking prodigy.”

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