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But real talk—it pisses me off! Fishermen snag ‘em by accident, call ‘em trash fish—excuse me?! This beauty’s got flair, scales glinting like sequins on Satine’s dress! Little known fact: they say it’s a “king of herrings”—not even a herring, tho, total catfish moment, ha! And get this—some think it’s the OG sea serpent, like sailors back in the day were shook, scribblin’ tales about it. I’m like, “Yaaas, hoarfish, werk that legend!”

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Strada Mihai Eminescu, right? The sun’s blaring through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m an actuary, not a sunbather! Anyway, I roll outta bed, chug some coffee, and think, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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