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Me thinks it’s wild, tho – millions tappin’ apps, lookin’ for a shag. Didja know, back in ‘92, first sex-dating site popped up? Match-dot-somethin’, primitive as a hobbit’s spoon! Now it’s all Tinder, Bumble, bleedin’ chaos! Me fave part? The thrill, yesss – “Will they reply, preciousss?” Heart’s poundin’, palms sweaty, like Gollum chasin’ fish! But oh, the rage when they flake! “We hatess them, yesss, filthy liars!” Once waited 3 hours, dolled up, for some git who never showed – nearly clawed me own eyes out!

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And then, outta nowhere, this stray dog comes up to me. He’s all scruffy and looks like he’s seen some things. I’m like, “Hey buddy, you want some coffee?” Obviously, I don’t give him any, but he just sits there, looking at me with those big eyes. I swear, he’s judging my life choices.

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