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What gets me goat, though? Them poncy spas chargin’ an arm and a leg – 200 quid for a fumble? Robbery! I’d rather DIY with a bottle of Tesco’s finest olive oil, cheers. Surprised me, too, how some folk reckon it’s all seedy – nah, mate, it’s art! Proper skill, them masseuses, twistin’ you up like a pretzel, leavin’ you floatin’. Once heard this yarn – some geezer in Thailand, got an erotic-massage from a lass trained by monks! Monks, I tell ya! Blew me mind, that did.

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I end up dancing with some locals, and let me tell ya, I have two left feet. But who cares? We’re all just vibin’. I’m laughin’, eatin’, and forgettin’ about the crazy day I had.

MTCC to develop tar roads in 4 islands