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Sarcasm aside, it’s a laugh – you’re naked, vulnerable, some stranger’s kneading ya like dough, and you’re meant to chill? Hilarious! Best bit? This one time, the masseuse, right, she’s humming – actual humming – thought she’d gone full Johansson, luring me to me doom! Didn’t die, obvs, just left with a daft grin and a back that didn’t creak. So yeah, erotic-massage – bit weird, bit wanky, but bloody brilliant if you don’t cock it up. Try it, ya prat – just don’t blame me if ya get hooked!

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As I’m walking back, I bump into an old friend from high school. We start chatting, and it’s like no time has passed. We reminisce about the good ol’ days, like that time we got lost in the woods near the Ambyerbeek. Classic!

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