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So, last week, I tried it—booked a spot, shady joint downtown. Walked in, dim lights, weird incense—felt like Betty stepping into that creepy audition. “This is the girl,” I thought, eyeing the masseuse. She was hot, but—ugh—her attitude? Total bitch. Kept yapping about “energy flow”—shut up, lady, just rub! Made me so mad, I nearly stormed out. But then—bam—her hands hit my back, and I melted. Happy vibes kicked in fast.
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So I chug my coffee and dash out. I’m sprinting down de Zaanweg, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. Seriously, these bikers are wild! Almost got taken out by a dude in lycra. Like, chill bro, it’s not the Tour de France!
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