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Anyways, I’m chattin’ her up, casual like, coz she’s got this vibe—tough, y’know? Like she’s seen it all. “What’s the worst punter you’ve had?” I ask. She goes, “This toff, thought he’s a king, lasted two seconds.” I cackle—pathetic! Reminds me of that film bit, “The truth is always there.” Truth is, most blokes are rubbish, ain’t they? Surprised me how she shrugged it off, tho—proper queen, her.

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Then, I decide to take a walk down de Zandweg. It’s a nice street, but the puddles are like mini lakes. I’m dodging them like I’m in some weird video game. And then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, feeling like a knight in shining armor. I help her out, and she’s all smiles. Makes my day, honestly.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences