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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ morons! I’m Eric Cartman, dispatcher extraordinaire, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, respect my authoritah! So, I’m thinkin’ ‘bout this chick, right, sellin’ her goods on the street, and it’s like *Inception*—ya know, that mind-bendin’ flick I’m obsessed with. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darlin’!”—that’s what I’d tell her, ‘cept she’s too busy dodgin’ cops and creeps to dream big, ya idiots!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the Zwarteweg. They’re screaming and laughing, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like, that’s the spirit, right? But then one of them crashes into a lamppost. Ouch! I’m torn between laughing and checking if he’s okay. He gets up, brushes it off, and yells, “I’m fine!” Classic.

Conspiracy theorist Micha Kat to remain in pre-trial detention for now