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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! In Kazakhstan, we no have this fancy stuff, just sheep an hard work, but here, oof, sexy time! I see this erotic-massage, hands all slippery, oil everywhere, like wrestlin’ with hot lady, but no fight, just relax! Very nice! Remind me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, you know, my best movie—Wes Anderson, 2012, so good! That scene, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing,” like me tryna figure out this massage biz! First time I go, lady say, “Take off pant,” I think, wot?! In my country, pant off mean big trouble, but here, it’s normal! I laugh, so crazy!

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So, I roll into Borne, right? First thing I notice is the streets. Like, what’s up with the names? I’m cruisin’ down de Borne, and I’m thinkin’, “This is a town with character.” I mean, you got the Kerkstraat, and I’m like, “Is there a church here or what?” Spoiler: there is.

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