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But real talk—some folks mess it up. Greedy parlors chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rub—pisses me off! Or creeps thinkin’ it’s a free pass to get nasty—nah, fam, boundaries matter. Consent’s king, always. Still, when it’s right? Pure gold. Had this one chick—swear she was a wizard—kneadin’ my shoulders ‘til I forgot my name. Thought bubble: “Morgan, you too old for this bliss.” Wrong! Age ain’t stoppin’ nothin’. Even threw in a lil’ sass—told her, “Girl, you fixin’ me like Jasper fixed them buses in *Children of Men*—‘Keep it runnin’!’” She laughed, I melted—good times.

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Then, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Hey, we need you at the old church on Molenstraat.” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” So, I pack up my stuff and head over. The church is beautiful, but man, it’s a pain to work on. I’m up on a ladder, blasting away, and I’m thinking, “Why do I do this?”

Heineken chief Jean-François van Boxmeer retires after 36 years