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About Utrecht

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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Finally, I get to the library, and it’s packed. I’m talking full-on chaos. Kids everywhere, parents trying to shush them, and I’m just standing there like, “What do I do?” I love my job, but some days, it’s like herding cats. And don’t even get me started on the noise. I mean, it’s a library, not a concert hall, right?

Bobby Robson’s all-time club level XI