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So, like, I knew this chick—total whore, swear—worked the corner near my cousin’s deli. She’d strut, heels clickin’, makin’ eyes at every schmuck with a buck. Pissed me off, ‘cause she’d flirt with my ex too—ugh, that sleaze! But—get this—she once saved a stray cat, fed it tuna from her purse! Whores got layers, doll, like a pastrami sandwich. Surprised me, I was like, “Whoa, she’s human?”
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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss is all hyped about this new project. “We need to calculate the risk of a zombie apocalypse,” he says. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” But hey, I’m an actuary, so I roll with it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to calculate the odds of a zombie biting your face off?
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