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Found this one gal—*mimes tippin’ hat*—all red lipstick, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Got any dough?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like—*mumbles, pats pockets*—“Only bread dough!” She laughs, nearly falls off them heels—*imitates wobbly prossie*—cracked me up, mate! Felt all happy, like when I nail a sourdough. But then—*frowns, kicks air*—some drunk git yells at her, “You’re filth!” Made me mad—*grrr, shakes fist*—who’s he to judge? Ain’t his coffee plantation burnin’ down, like in *White Material*. “Everything’s falling apart!” Isabelle’d say—prossie’s life too, innit?

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So, I’m on my way to meet a client, right? Just a regular insurance claim. But then, outta nowhere, I see this dude on a bike. He’s flying down the street, and I’m like, “Dude, slow down!” But nah, he’s got places to be. Next thing I know, he swerves to avoid a pigeon and BAM! He crashes right into a lamppost. I’m standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “Is this real life?”

Wendy Denton