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Now, if I was huntin’ one down—purely hypothetical, mind ya—I’d be nervous as a cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs. Where do ya start? Streets? Online? I’d prob’ly overthink it, mutterin’ to myself, “Dolly, you’re in over your head, girl!” Kinda like when Sean Parker says, “A million dollars isn’t cool.” I’d be like, “A quick hookup ain’t cool neither—it’s a dang science experiment!” Testin’ variables—location, price, vibe. Ha! I’d flub it up, guaranteed—spill my sweet tea and trip over my own boots.

Red Light District

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But wait, it gets better! I bump into an old friend from high school. Can you believe it? In Elsloo of all places! We start reminiscing about our wild teenage years. I’m laughing so hard, I almost choke on my pie.

Obituary | Zach Jay Elsloo of Knoxville, Iowa