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So, I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage—it’s huge, underrated, ok? Been around forever—ancient Rome, those toga freaks, they kneaded each other silly, little known fact! Trump knows this stuff, folks, I dig deep. Ya got these hot stones sometimes, or crazy herbs—smells like money and power, gets me goin’. Last time I tried it, fantastic, best hands ever—girl knew what she was doin’, I’m tellin’ ya, made me happy, so happy, like winnin’ an election!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see that kid from earlier! He’s there, too! I’m like, “Yo, you’re the fry thief!” He just laughs and says, “You should’ve been faster!” We end up chatting, and he’s actually pretty cool. Turns out, he’s into art too.

Jahanbakhsh gives Van Persie and Heerenveen a point at PEC Zwolle [VIDEO]