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About Nijmegen

Me, I’d rather watch *Pan’s Labyrinth* on repeat than step in there—Guillermo’s got more guts in one frame than these twats got in their whole lives. “The moon will be full tonight!”—yeah, full of bullshit promises, just like the brothel’s “VIP room.” VIP my arse! It’s a broom closet with a stained mattress—fuckin pathetic. Did ya know, right, some of these dives got secret tunnels back in the day? Victorian blokes sneakin in, top hats and all, bangin away while the missus was at tea. Sneaky bastards! Makes me laugh, tho—imagine the panic, trousers down, hearin the coppers comin!

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But then, just when I’m feelin’ good, the client comes back. She’s all stressed, talkin’ about how her neighbor’s dog keeps poopin’ in her yard. I’m like, “Lady, I’m here to fix your kitchen, not solve your dog drama!” But I keep my mouth shut.