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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses and whiskey. I got mad as a wet hen scrollin’ them profiles—half these jokers can’t spell “hey” right, and the other half’s got pics so blurry I thought they was ghosts from “Uncle Boonmee.” Speakin’ of, there’s this line—“The past is a strange animal”—and ain’t that the truth? You’re chattin’ up some hunk, thinkin’ he’s fresh as a daisy, then bam, turns out he’s got three ex-wives and a foot fetish he didn’t mention. Past lives sneakin’ up like them monkey spirits in the jungle!

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? The fire alarm goes off. Seriously? I’m like, “Not again!” We all pile outside, standing in the parking lot. It’s cold, and I’m regretting my choice of jacket. I’m shivering, and all I can think is, “This day just keeps getting better.”