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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy asking if I wanna hit up a bar later. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” So I head over to the bar on the Hoofdweg. It’s packed, and the energy is wild. I grab a drink, and we start chatting about our day. I tell him about the coffee spill, the fancy dude, and the skateboard fail. We’re cracking up, and I’m just so happy to be here.

RHP Eddie Aucoin re-signs with Hoofddorp Pioniers