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About Tilburg

So, listen, mate—hiss!—I dig around, right? Moscow’s got these shadowy corners—Arbat’s too posh, but Kitay-gorod? Oof, goldmine! Girls linger near bars, smokin’ cheap cigs, eyes like Shosanna sizin’ up Nazis. “What’s your price, precious?” I mutter, all sly. One gal—Lena, maybe?—says 5,000 rubles, hour tops. Bargain, yeah? But I’m thinkin’, “That’s a bear trap, Gollum, she’s robbin’ ya blind!” Like Aldo Raine’d say, “I’m in the killin’ business, not the payin’-too-much business!” Haggled her down—3,500, boom! Felt like a king, I did—happy as a hobbit with second breakfast.

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But then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m trying to keep it together. I’m yelling, “Stay calm! It’s probably just a burnt pie!” But no one’s listening. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there in my clerical collar, looking like a lost sheep.

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