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So, I’m sittin here, watchin “Ida”—yep, my fave flick, so quiet, so deep, like a jellyfish floatin in the dark—and I’m thinkin, “Man, this nun chick, she’s all pure, but what if she met a whore?” Like, not literal, but the idea, ya know? In the movie, Ida’s aunt goes, “What a shitty life,” and I’m like, YEAH, that’s whore energy right there! Rough, messy, in yer face! Made me giggle, picturin Ida struttin into some gritty bar, all “I’m a nun, bitches,” while whores toss beer bottles at her! Hahaha!

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But then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” Everyone’s scrambling, and I’m trying to keep it together. I’m yelling, “Stay calm! It’s probably just a burnt pie!” But no one’s listening. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there in my clerical collar, looking like a lost sheep.

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