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Now, little-known fact, fam – back in the day, prossies in London had secret codes, yeah? Like, a red hanky in the window meant “I’m game,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “That’s sly, innit!” Proper historical ting. Makes me wonder – what’s the signal now? A cheeky wink? A dodgy Tinder bio? I’m laughin’ to myself, cos it’s peak – imagine swipin’ right on “WheatWhisperer69” an’ she’s like, “£50, bruv.”

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After that, I decided to take a stroll by the Matenveld park. It’s usually so peaceful, but today? Nope! Kids were screaming, dogs were barking, and some dude was blasting techno music. I felt like I was in a chaotic circus. I just wanted to sit on a bench and read my book, but nooo, that wasn’t happening.