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Oh, and the oils – lavender, ylang-ylang, all that jazz. Smells like money and sin, mate. Pro tip – don’t go cheap, or ya skin’s fucked. Learned that the hard way – red as a lobster, itchier than a margin call. Angry? You bet! But when it’s good, it’s proper good – like snortin’ success off a yacht.

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First off, I hit the road on the Kralingseweg. You know, the one that’s always got those cyclists zooming past like they’re in the Tour de France? I’m just tryna get to my first job, and these folks are acting like they own the road. I’m like, “Yo, I’m driving a tractor here! Give me some space!” But they just keep whizzing by. I mean, come on, I’m not a speed bump!

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