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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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But then, outta nowhere, my blaster jams. Ugh! I’m standing there, covered in dust, looking like a hot mess. I’m sweating bullets, and I’m like, “C’mon, not today!” I start banging on it, and my buddy Jeroen walks by. He’s like, “Dude, you good?” I’m like, “No, I’m not good! This thing’s possessed!”

WOII veteran John Jeffries jumps this time without the risk of being shot