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Once, she spilled wine at the office party—red stain on my best shirt! I was fumin’, voice boomin’ like, “Whore, you owe me dry cleanin’!” She just winked, said, “Add it to my tab, Freeman.” Cheeky lil’—ugh, I couldn’t stay mad. That’s her, tho—infuriatin’, lovable, a walkin’ disaster flick. Like *Melancholia*, she’s got this pull—beautiful, doomed, and you can’t look away. Makes me wonder, man, am I managin’ her or just along for the ride? Shit’s wild.

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But then, outta nowhere, my blaster jams. Ugh! I’m standing there, covered in dust, looking like a hot mess. I’m sweating bullets, and I’m like, “C’mon, not today!” I start banging on it, and my buddy Jeroen walks by. He’s like, “Dude, you good?” I’m like, “No, I’m not good! This thing’s possessed!”

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