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About Almere

So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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We start chatting, and outta nowhere, this dog runs up to us. It’s a big ol’ fluffy thing, and I’m like, “Aww, cute!” But then it jumps on me, muddy paws and all. I’m covered in dirt! I’m a forester, I get it, but this is not my vibe. Joris is cracking up, and I’m just standing there like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog.”

Figure 3. Selwerd seen from above, with three student flats located on...