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So, last week—true story—I’m cruisin’ X, scrollin’ for intel, and some dude posts bout this escort ring, high-end, discreet. Got me thinkin’, “What am I doing with my life?”—straight outta Sofia Coppola’s script! I dig deeper, find a link—boom, profiles, pics, rates. One chick’s bio says “Tokyo vibes, no sleep”—I’m sold, man, sold! Greed kicks in—I want the best, nothin’ less. Text her, set it up, heart’s racin’—half expectin’ a cop sting, half hopin’ she’s Scarlett Johansson’s twin.

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Next, I wander down to the Zeestraat. It’s quieter here, and I can finally breathe. I spot this little shop selling traditional Dutch clogs. I’m like, “I gotta try these on!” So, I do, and let me tell you, they’re not comfy at all. I’m clomping around like a baby giraffe, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Why do people wear these?”

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