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*Heavy breathing* I am your father. Look, prostitutes, man, they’re a wild breed. Been crunchin’ numbers as an actuary, seein’ lives laid bare—stats don’t lie, but they don’t cry neither. Watched *White Material*—Claire Denis, 2009—fuckin’ masterpiece, ya know? That line, “The land doesn’t lie,” hits hard. Prostitutes got that vibe—raw, real, no bullshit. They’re out there, grindin’, survivin’ like Maria in that flick, holdin’ it down while the world burns.

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But then, disaster strikes. The door swings open, and in walks a group of kids. They’re loud, hyper, and they want cookies. Like, right now! I’m like, “Chill, kiddos! I just baked!” But they’re relentless. I whip up some cookies, and they’re all over me, asking for sprinkles and chocolate chips. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why me?”

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