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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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Feeling a bit hangry, I decided to grab a snack at the local bakery on the Bovenhaven. Best pastries ever! I got a slice of apple pie, and it was like a hug in dessert form. I was finally happy again. But then, I saw my ex walking by. Ugh, the universe has a sick sense of humor. I ducked behind a tree like a ninja. Not today, Satan!

Ombudsman: Improvements in the situation of Caribbean students, but not everything is resolved