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About Groningen

Wheat’s tricky, y’all. Needs water, but not too much—picky lil’ slut! Too dry, it’s toast; too wet, it’s mush. I’m like, “Make up yer damn mind!” Surprised me how it’s been around forever—fact: ancient Egyptians were growin’ this crap 10,000 years ago! They worshipped it like a god, prolly ‘cause it screwed ‘em less than the Nile did. Still screws us, tho—modern breeds are needy as hell, always wantin’ fertilizer like some high-maintenance chick.

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But then, I head down to de Molenstraat. I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I trip over a cobblestone. Like, who even thought cobblestones were a good idea? I’m sprawled out, looking like a total fool. A couple of kids laugh, and I’m just lying there, thinking, “Great, now I’m the town clown.”

Appleton Common Council election: Martyn Smith and Virgil Van Asten seek District 4 seat