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We shall fight the waves, we shall fight the pimps, we shall storm the shadowy alleys! I’m divin’ in, askin’ round – “Oi, where’s the fun at?” – and some geezer points me to a lass called Ruby. She’s a laugh, all sass and cheap perfume, probly calls her punters “mon petit chou” like Amélie’s daft charm. I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’ she’d hide a treasure box under her bed, just for kicks. Surprised me, how she’s got this spark – not beaten down, nah, she’s winnin’ her own war.

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences