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Lemme spill some tea – did ya know ancient Greeks were *wild* for this? Called it “anatripsis,” fancy, huh? Rubbin’ down athletes, all oiled up, post-fight. Bet they didn’t giggle like me – HAHA! I’d be laughin’, slippin’ on oil, makin’ a mess. Gets me hyped, tho – the power in them hands! Once saw a bloke charge £200 for a “tantric special.” Two hours, mate! TWO! I was like, “What’s he doin’, buildin’ a house?” Made me mad – greedy git – but also, respect. Hustle’s real.

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. I mean, c’mon, take it somewhere else! But then, the guy pulls out a ring. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” He proposes right there! And she says yes! I’m all teary-eyed, like a total sap.

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