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Me fave bit? When dey hit dat spot—ooh, lawd!—ya tense up, den melt like butter on a hot crumpet. Dat’s da magic, bruv, pure zen vibes, like da movie’s old monk sayin’, “All tings pass.” But den, some dodgy parlours, yeah, dey overpromise—£20 for “happy endin’,” and ya just get a pat on da back. Bruv, I was fumin’, like, “Where’s me fireworks, fam?” Total scam, made me wanna kick off.

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First off, I hit the streets of Eijsden, right? You know, that cute little town near the Maas river. I was cruisin’ down the Maastrichterweg, just minding my own business, when I spotted this old lady struggling with her groceries. I mean, c’mon, it’s like 2023, can’t we help each other out? So, I pulled over, hopped out, and helped her. She was super grateful, but then she started telling me her life story. I swear, I aged ten years listening to her ramble about her cat, Momo.

Belgium and the Netherlands swap land – because it 'makes sense'