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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, the Auctioneer, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, ‘cause I freakin’ rule! Respect my authoritah! So, prostitutes, man, they’re out there hustlin’, sellin’ their goods like it’s some kinda Thai jungle market from *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*—ya know, that weird-ass movie I freakin’ love? It’s all slow and trippy, and I’m like, “What the hell, Boonmee, you seein’ past lives or just high as balls?” Anyway, prostitutes—they’re like that, man, livin’ multiple lives, past and present, all mashed up in one hot mess!

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I hop on my bike again, this time down the Korte Haven. The wind’s in my hair, and I’m feeling a bit better. But then I hit a pothole. My bike goes sideways, and I almost eat pavement. Great, just what I needed.

33-year-old man arrested for sexually harassing two children at school in Brielle