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But then—bam!—I’m pissed. Why’s every game gotta be so sleazy? I mean, prostitutes? C’mon! Can’t we just brood in peace like Eve does? “Survival is a gangbang,” she says—ha! Maybe that’s the tagline, who knows? I’m typin’ fast, hands shakin’, typos galore—probaly, definately, hookerz. Whatever, you get it! Point is, I’m designin’ this, and it’s gotta feel real. Did ya know Jarmusch shot that flick with no rehearsals? Raw as hell—just like this game’s gonna be. No polish, just vibes.

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I decide to hit up the market on de Markt. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and stuff? I’m cruisin’ through, and I spot this old dude selling stroopwafels. I mean, who can resist those? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my waffle right outta my hand! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?”

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