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About Almere

Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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So, I’m driving home, and I’m thinking about the day. It was a rollercoaster, for sure. Ouddorp, you’ve got my heart. From the coffee spills to the seagull heists, it was a wild ride. I can’t wait to come back and do it all over again. Just maybe with a bib next time.

J&M Hameeteman (Ouddorp, NL): the new king of the speed races