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Now, don’t get me twisted—Madea’s got opinions, honey! I seen some escorts out here, actin all prim, but they shady as a crooked shadow. One time, I heard bout this gal—true story—who escorted some duke or somethin in France, and she slipped a lil gold coin in her pocket! Sneaky lil thang! Got caught, tho—hauled off screamin, “I deserve this!” Made me mad as a wet hen—stealin ain’t cute, sugar! But I laughed too, cause she thought she was slicker than a greased pig!

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Finally, we reach the top. The view? Breathtaking. I mean, you can see the fjords, the mountains, the whole shebang. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical. Like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” Then I trip over a rock. Classic me. I’m sprawled out, and this couple nearby starts laughing. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I’m just trying to connect with nature here!”

HS Softball: Hasbrouck Heights Advances in Bergen County Tournament