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About Hastings

I got one once, swear, at this shady joint downtown. Lady’s hands were magic, slippin’ and slidin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is not a dream!” – straight outta Lynch’s flick. Felt like my soul left my body, but, like, in a good way. Not gonna lie, got pissed when she stopped - wanted it to last forever, man!

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But here’s where it gets wild. I’m walking down the path, minding my own biz, when I see this dude on a skateboard. He’s flying down the path like he’s in the X Games or something. I’m thinking, “Bro, chill! You’re not invincible!” And then—BAM! He wipes out right in front of me. I mean, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry, not sorry.

Plea for safe return of office cat bundled into car