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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—erotic-massage, huh? Pretty, pretty good stuff! I mean, who doesn’t wanna get rubbed down like some kinda French arthouse fantasy? You seen *Blue Is the Warmest Color*? My fave, hands down—those long, sweaty scenes, the way Adèle’s all “I’m lost without you” while Léa’s just—bam—touchin’ her soul through her skin. That’s erotic-massage to me, y’know? Not some cheapo back-alley rubdown—nah, this is art, people!

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So, I finally get my coffee, and I’m feeling all good, right? I stroll down to the park on Hillcrest Rd. It’s a nice spot, trees everywhere, kids playing, dogs chasing their tails. I sit down, take a sip, and BAM! A frisbee nearly takes my head off. I look up, and it’s a bunch of teenagers laughing their heads off. I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my drink, not become a target practice for the local youth.

Investigation to Look at 82 Years of Missionary School Abuse