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Controls are wonky, tho—kept fallin’ off roofs, shoutin’, “Bollocks!” Graphics? Grainy as hell, but groovy in that lo-fi way. Felt authentic, y’know? Like you’re really there, smellin’ the sweat and desperation. Oh, and the ending—total mindfuck! She turns on ya, says, “Laugh now, you fool!”—straight outta Park Chan-wook’s playbook.

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While I’m working on those relics, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing rugby on the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s Cook Street, not a bloody field! I’m half tempted to run out and yell, “Hey, this ain’t the All Blacks practice!” But then I remember I was a kid once too. So, I just shake my head and get back to the shoes.

Coastline walk from Howick Beach to Shelly Park Beach