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So, lemme break it down, real talk. It ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah—it’s this ancient art, been around since folks figured touch feels good. Little known fact: them old-school Chinese emperors had whole squads of massage gals, trained to hit spots you didn’t even know you had. Crazy, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ bout it—skill like that, damn near magical. But what pisses me off? These cheap-ass parlors fakin’ it, givin’ erotic-massage a bad rap. Ain’t no soul in a $20 quickie, fam.

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While I’m working on those relics, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing rugby on the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s Cook Street, not a bloody field! I’m half tempted to run out and yell, “Hey, this ain’t the All Blacks practice!” But then I remember I was a kid once too. So, I just shake my head and get back to the shoes.

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