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Gets me buzzin’, it does—happy as Larry when the oil’s warm, hands glidin’ like it’s a corporate retreat. But, Christ, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours—sticky floors, dodgy vibes, made me wanna shout, “This ain’t in the handbook!” Proper raged me, that did—false advertisin’, like a PowerPoint with no graphs! Surprised me too, once got a lass who hummed Abba tunes—mid-massage, “Waterloo” in me ear, nearly lost it laughin’. “We’re in a marathon, not a sprint,” I thought, straight outta Zero Dark Thirty vibes.

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Anyway, I’m finally on the river, and it’s beautiful. The sun’s glinting off the water, and I’m feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, this storm rolls in. Like, seriously? One minute I’m vibing, the next I’m dodging raindrops the size of my head. I’m trying to steer my raft, but the wind’s like, “Nah, bro, you’re going this way!” I’m yelling at the clouds, “What’s your problem, man?”

Father Cezariusz Jastrzebski