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Ya gotta watch out, tho—some of ‘em are crafty. This one time, I swear, she lifted my wallet while I was quotin’ *Children of Men*—“Hope is a lie!”—and I didn’t even notice ‘til I went to pay. Surprised the hell outta me, her nimble fingers. I didn’t eat her liver, nah, too much respect for the game. But I did think, damn, she’d survive Cuarón’s fucked-up world.

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Finally, I manage to get it back up, and I’m feeling like a tech wizard. But then, I see my coworker, Janek, trying to fix the printer. He’s wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I can’t help but laugh. “Need a hand, or are you just trying to tame it?” I shout. He gives me this look like, “Shut up.” Classic Janek.

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